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Right when I think I am getting better... I crash. How ADHD fuels the anxiety and depression that cockblock my improvement. (self.ADHD)

submitted by yellowarrior

A little background. I am 28, diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago and take a very proactive / self aware approach to my ADHD. I work as a marking director in a mental health clinic so I am surrounded by support and information. Depression / anxiety have generally been the presenting issues of my ADHD (as my job/life is ADHD appropriate).

I have been doing REALLY WELL lately when it comes to managing my ADHD. I have kept a clean enough apartment that I can invite people over. I am getting my work done, and remembering bills (for the most part). The issue is that everytime I start to get to this point, the amount of energy it takes to stay at this level eventually eats away at me!

This weekend I met my girlfriends sister/brother in law. This was a stressful event and I did my best to keep my ADHD in check. I was good in conversation, didn't talk in to many tangents, and none of them would have suspected I have ADHD. After being home for 1 day I am crashing! I can't get ANYTHING done, i am depressed, beating myself up, and worried about every aspect of my life! This is not the first time this has happened, and the fact that it keeps working out this way just makes the whole thing worse!

Does anyone else ever have this problem?

TL;DR - After a weekend (and week before) of doing SO WELL with my adhd management I am crashing today beyond belief.

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[–]DaliscaADHD-PI 9 points10 points  (3 children)

This is why I love Hyperbole and a Half -- her writing and the way she illustrates her work just illustrates the emotional issues tied to being ADHD. This one describes what you just described, and how I feel off and on throughout every month of my life.

[–]geenomike 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Holy chit... I had nachos for dinner twice last week...

[–]Rennie564ADHD-C 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nachos with a side of Internet is my favorite meal.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

WHY DIDN'T I SEE THIS EARLIER?!?! I just got back from the Dr's.... I wish I brought this along with me to explain my life. Because instead, I just went on these long tangents about how I suck at life, and how that makes me tumble down into seemingly-endless self-loathing...

[–]badwolf3618 8 points9 points  (1 child)

In the moments where you are doing well, "pay it forward" as they say, but to your "future self". If you are doing well and on a roll, take a few extra minutes to plan out your meals for a couple days, or any other kind of preparation or planning for future tasks.

For example, at my job Mondays are the longest and busiest. Which means if I don't rest well, bring healthy food to work, and get shit done on Sunday, I wont do well at work, which means i come home with no energy to invest in my own health, my tasks, or my SO. Which puts me at a disadvantage all week. So now, Sundays I do everything I possibly can to take pressure off of Monday. Waking up Monday morning and finding an already prepared meal in the frudge before work...... it's the best feeling in the world.

You WILL run out of energy. Our society and it's schedules and expectations and whatnot, is not necessarily geared towards an ADHD lifestyle, and can be quite unforgiving when we fall behind. So you have to get ahead when you have the energy, and then "coast" on those preparations and previous efforts during busy times until things slow down again.

[–]derpinita 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ah, interesting. I often think about my issue as being one of really, really hating one person: Future Me. That guy just gets the shaft.

Getting my symptoms under control means treating Future Me nicely instead of like an asshole.

[–]Rennie564ADHD-C 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This just explained so much of my own life. Somehow I've never been able to put this into words. It's like every last bit of energy gets sucked right out of me after I manage to keep on top of things for a little while. And with each time...it gets harder and harder to find that motivation to get started again. :/

[–]Sharky-PI 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess other than personal life organisation for general management (try trello.com if you're a to-do list scribbler, and google calendar for reminders), i'd say try to gauge how busy you are/are going to be, and build in crash time after. So, recently you've been operating at a 7 to 8 out of 10, then you had a burst of 10 on the weekend. TO balance out to average, you're due some time below 5. So mark the first 2 nights in your diary as "me time", set the lay-z-boy to 'stun', warm up the xbox, and hit the "do fuck all" button as hard as you can. If you've really got stuff done recently then your flat will be clean, there won't be a big backlog of jobs.

[–]elverloho 1 point2 points  (2 children)

CBT.

[–]TheDebaser 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Care to share what those three letters mean?

[–]kyraniumsADHD-PI 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's never a good sign when your cock gets involved.

But on a more serious note: adapting and focusing isn't easy. It costs tons of energy, and you need to refuel. This sometimes means that you can't do everything you'd like, and sometimes not even everything that you need to do. Take a step back and prioritize (when you're having a good moment). And more importantly, communicate to your family and friends about your struggles. They might be able to help.

[–]shipshapetimADHD-PI 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So as I'm sure all of you know, and most of you have experienced, progress is never linear, especially with ADHD and Depression/Anxiety getting tossed in.

One of the most helpful things for me to turn to is a fairly brief conversation with my Psychiatrist. I was talking about how I would feel when I would screw up (I missed another appointment; I didn't take the 5 minutes that it takes to do the laundry for the third day in a row, etc.)

For the most part I would start to feel like my future is hopeless, I'm never going to be "functional", I'd start to feel like I can't honestly make a promise or a commitment to someone because I felt like I couldn't trust myself to follow through.

So my psychiatrist said the following, "Quitting smoking cigarettes is hard, right? People slip up, and they give in to a craving, right? Now some people might find themselves in this situation and think to themselves, 'this is hopeless, I'm worthless I can't do this', they start to feel worse, and since cigarettes are probably the way they deal with stress they smoke more, they fall off the wagon, that person just had a relapse. Maybe they don't try to quit again for a few months, or ever. Other people however, will give in to that craving, get halfway through that cigarette, and say, to themselves, 'I've screwed up, sure, but it's not the end of the world, I'm committed to getting better, and I'm going to get there.' then they throw away that cigarette. That person just had a minor lapse. They might have 5 or 10 more lapses along their path to quitting, but they don't relapse and hit 'rock bottom'."

The action that led to the lapse and the relapse was the exact same. The difference comes in how the person thinks of themselves and screwing up. At any moment, remember, you have the ability to act, to move, to do something. Just because you've screwed up, it doesn't mean it's all over. When you have a setback, say to yourself, I've had a lapse, but that doesn't mean I have to relapse. I can make the choice to give up and spiral down to rock bottom, or I can acknowledge I made a mistake, and keep working.

No TL;DR, once, you've read this post, the one-line takeaway, to tell yourself when you've screwed up, and feel shitty, "I've just lapsed, but I can make sure it doesn't lead to a relapse."

[–]candamileADHD-PI 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I experience the same thing. I first thought it was some sort of bipolar disorder, since I constantly go through phases like this.

[–]procrastinating_work 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well everyone is bipolar, not everyone has bipolar disorder though.

[–]geenomike 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have a solution. But I feel you 100%. Maybe our goals get to big and abstract from time to time. I do so well for a long time and then I just crash hard and this is happening right now. It was really nice to read that someone else has this.

[–]DwarfTheMike 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the same problem and I'm currently in a low spot. Your post opened my eyes a little and I thank you for that. :-D